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| The Return of the CV Blunders—More Toe-Curling CV Oversights |
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Back by popular demand, we serve up another steaming pile of CV blunders, bloopers, and crazy catastrophes for your delight and delectation. And in every pratfall lies a critical lesson—check and recheck your curriculum vitae for errors of all kinds, including spelling mistakes, unintended readings, faulty logic, and personal details best left permanently undisclosed. Think your document is blunder-free? Think again: it's surprisingly easy to overlook such fatal slip-ups—a fact that the writers of the following CV shockers make frighteningly apparent.
 Career Objectives
Seeking a high-paying job that offers significant perks and bonuses (i.e. company car, extended holidays etc.).
Please to call me on this day for the breezy chit-chat where I shake all the hands and hug you as my friend.
Personal Profiles
I have never been backwards when it comes to coming forwards.
Please don't misinterpret my 14 employments as job-hopping; I don't pack up unless I'm pushed.
Experienced supervisor with a keen eye for errors, defective with students and professionals alike.
This document outlines my experience, skills, and qualifications, which I trust you will carefully overlook.
Dedicated professional with extraordinary client service abilities, confidently dealing with conflicts that arouse.
I will give the job my all so long as it does not interfere with my social life. My social life is very important to me.
Major Achievements
Delivered flagship corporate facility—a major success despite its budget overrun of 3 million euro.
I was both surprised and humbled to receive not one, but two separate plagues in recognition of my work.
Responsible for three fledgling financial institutions. (Due to massive insolvency, no references can be given.)
Education
Third Level Establishment: Trinity College. Location: Dublin. Attendance Period: September 1880 to June 1984.
Experience
My duties included greeting laundrette customers, removing their clothes, and washing them.
The company made a scapegoat of me—just like all of my other employers. I'm hoping you can do better.
Managing Director of a small distribution company, by which I mean it consisted of only one employee: myself.
Skills and Abilities
A great lover of languages, I speak intermediate German, high-level Russian, and fluent Spinach.
Additional Information
Marital Status: Single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved.
Have covered whole body in Inca tattoos, but these are not visible when wearing a suit.
I feel I should mention that, for health and safety purposes, it is best not to seat me near a window.
Underwent brain surgeries in late 2003 to remove a tumour. It was very traumatic, but I think I am all right now.
To the victor go the spoils; at the foolish one recoils. Give yourself the time you need to polish unwanted gaffes from your curriculum vitae, pass it on to a pernickety friend for review, and stay on course to win that ideal role.
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